


Here You Go Again (Here I Go Again)

by caramelsilver



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, F/M, Revival fic, Romance, before and during revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 03:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8781898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelsilver/pseuds/caramelsilver
Summary: They had spent a year not talking about them, about their past, and now it was too late. Their history was crushing them, and neither of them had the courage to throw it off.





	

When she saw him in Hamburg after five years, it felt right, and comfortable. 

 

He said hi, because he was an adult. 

 

She stopped and talked, because so was she. They were far away from Connecticut and Yale, and it was just so easy to drown in each other eyes again. Too easy to forget about the “no” that broke their hearts. 

 

He asked if she’d have dinner with him because he couldn’t watch her walk away again. Not right away. 

 

She said yes because she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his face. 

 

They quickly fell into the same familiar intimacy that they had before. 

 

He called her Ace, and the conversation flowed like two people walking completely in step. No joke needed to be explained and every word that came out of the others mouth got remembered and saved for later. 

 

The night turned into days, and suddenly they were together in each other’s lives again, like nothing had changed. 

 

It was just too easy. 

 

The first year they never talked of life outside their bubble. When they were together, they were together, and when they were not… well that wasn’t important.

 

She was terrified of the past, and even more terrified of the future. So she stayed here, in the present, in the bubble, where everything was safe. 

 

They didn’t talk about feelings. They didn’t talk about Love. But he talked her down when an assignment fell through and her future felt unstable. He was the only one she wanted to talk to when her nerves frazzled her and she couldn’t sit still. 

 

They didn’t talk about feelings. They didn’t talk about Love. But she stroked his hair when his father yet again found a way to make his life more difficult. She soothed his fears when all he could think of was that he didn’t want to become like his dad. 

 

They didn’t talk about Feelings, they didn’t talk about Love. But when he said “See you soon, Ace,” his voice dipped, and his eyes crinkled at the corners like they always did when his smile was genuine. 

 

When he smiled at her like that her heart always skipped a beat. When she left for a flight home, she kissed him three times, and the walk to the door was the longest on earth. 

 

Then everything changed. She was not surprised, because nothing good could last forever. 

 

His father brought Odette into his life, and suddenly the world looked different, it woke them from their slumber. 

 

When he told her, his eyes were filled with pain, and for the first time since they met again, he looked like the boy who graduated from Yale with the burden of a family legacy on his shoulders. His eyes were filled with agony and he looked at her, waiting, hoping, she would stake her claim. Tell him not to listen to his father. Free him from the family trap. 

 

She looked at him with the same pain. His words made her chest shrink, and suddenly her heart was too big to fit. She could feel the words on her tongue, they were there, waiting to be said, but the words wouldn’t come. It was too much power. The thought of the possibility of breaking his heart a second time was too much to bear. So she said nothing, not realizing that his heart was breaking in the silence. 

 

They had spent a year not talking about them, about their past, and now it was too late. Their history was crushing them, and neither of them had the courage to throw it off. 

 

She left London with the intention of never seeing him again. She was going to be the adult, and leave him to the life she couldn’t give him. She cried the entire flight home. When she stepped off the plane she went and got herself a Paul to help her forget him. 

 

It was not him that got forgotten. 

 

Time passed like time does, and he honored her wish for no communication. He went out with the french heiress, and both families rejoiced and started to pick out china patterns. This was the second time she had broken his heart, and he knew that no other woman could replace her, so why try? Odette would do. 

 

It was she who broke the silence. She was the only one who could. If there was one thing he had always been good at it was keeping his promises to her. He had always been the strongest of the two of them. The problem was that she missed him. A lot. No one really understood her like he seemed to do. So she picked up the phone and called him, pretending six months hadn’t just passed in silence, and that he wasn’t rumored to be getting engaged. 

 

And he let her. When had he ever been able to say no to her? No one mentioned the past, and just like that they fell back into their intimacy yet again. They built a world, over the phone at first, were no other people existed. 

 

Her work kept her in the US, and with the help of their phones they could pretend that they were only friends. They were only friends, but they both rose from sleep if the other called in the middle of the night. 

 

When she finally came back to London, she could think of nothing else but seeing him. 

 

He insisted she stay with him. Because even though the engagement announcement had been printed in all the important newspapers, the fiancée did not live with him. 

 

This time around the things unsaid hung thick in the air. The touches were more urgent, the kisses longer. This time there was a Paul, an Odette. This time it felt like stealing, but she couldn’t help herself. It might be stealing, yes, but it was like she was stealing him back. 

 

They talked and talked and talked, but like always they were very bad at talking about the important things. The two of them knew each other soul to heart, but they never talked about it. So he knew what her lucky outfit looked like, but not the last name of her boyfriend. He knew the boyfriend existed, but he stuffed him far away in his mind. After all, he of all people could not judge, with a fiancée sleeping his bed. 

 

Every time she left it felt like it might be the last time. Her good bye kisses increased from three to four. The future was too close. 

 

Watching her leave shredded his already shredded heart, and every time he wanted to tell her. One word from her and he’d be hers. But he had offered her his life before, and he was simply not strong enough to hear her no again. 

 

So she left him. She came back. She left again. 

 

And suddenly the future arrived and they were not prepared. 

 

FIN.


End file.
